I don’t eat doughnuts with boys who exploit women.
The new Simon Cowell show will be called “Guantanamo Slaves”
Pepsi will sponsor, and in doing so will make even more money than
the Afghan bounty hunters who sold us the prisoners in the first place
On tonight’s episode Mohammed covers Christina Aguilera:
“How do you know the song?” asks the plastic presenter
“They played it on loop for hours while I was
waterboarded, beaten and drenched in menstrual blood”
The presenter chuckles: “That’s cute Mo, that’s cute.
If you think Detainee 063’s earned the right to die
Text STARVE to 46664”
Pepper spray, pepper spray, cut to commercial:
“Buy this deodorant or you’ll die alone!”
Barbed wire, broken glass… back to commercial:
“Don’t you want the boys to fuck you? It’s sweatshop chic!”
That’s all for tonight, folks.
If they weren’t radical before, they sure are now!
Tune in next week!